As I set out to find her some fun sports activities to participate in this summer, I found that sports for smaller children are very limited. I found that Gymnastics and Ballet were available to her age group and I signed her up. I loved gymnastics as a teenager and was a coach during college at a local gym. I felt that I could impart some of that love of the sport to her. Since I would be helping her at gymnastics class, I figured it would be more enjoyable for her if I enjoyed it too. The second summer activity was ballet. What little girl doesn’t want to be a ballerina? I think it’s infused into female genes to want to be graceful and beautiful princesses gliding across the stage.

Gymnastics

I found a local gym that had a 3 year old program and a nearby dance studio that held weeklong camps for 3 year olds. We’ve been through a month of weekly gymnastics classes and she’s learning new things with every class. Our little girl is definitely a bit of a monkey and loves to swing on the apparatus. It’s a bit of a zoo (pardon the pun), with so many kids running around, but I feel like it’s been a worthwhile experience. Not only is it developing her motor skills, it teaches her important life lessons, like taking turns, sharing, and following directions.

Ballet

The dance school that we enrolled her in for summer camp is fantastic! They focus on smaller classes of children for personal attention and the dance teacher for the smaller children really found some amazing and creative ways to teach them positions and ballet movement. I was extremely impressed by how well our 3 year old did at her first “ballet recital” on the last day of camp.

If you’re looking to start your toddler in some sort of youth sport, I would recommend looking for something available in your area that’s age appropriate. What suggestions do you have to engage your toddler in youth sports?

Diego has a Rescue Pack that turns into the coolest things — a boat, a hot air balloon, skis! Dora has a lame backpack that holds stuff she needs if she digs far enough. Diego has a mini-computer that has a GPS system and a digital camera. Dora has an annoying map. Even Diego’s pet is cooler! He gets a badass baby jaguar while Dora gets a cutesy little monkey.

I don’t get it. Why does the boy get the cool toys and the girl gets the lame cutesy stuff? In this day and age, I think that there should be equal opportunity toy coolness. Come on, Nickelodeon! At least give some of the cool toys to the girl! Don’t let the boy hog them all! What message does that give off? That only boys are cool enough to get the awesome techie toys? Lame!

Ok, ok, so I’m exaggerating.

Seriously though! My toddler who never used to give a flip about the TV now gets up asking to watch a Dora. The fastest way to coax Sara into cleaning her room? Tell her she can watch Dora after her room is cleaned up. It’s like watching the rat that hits the button for cheese! Ensure that she stays good? Bribe her with a Dora episode when she gets home.

Either Dora’s the best motivator in the world, or I’ve become a willing crack dealer.

For those of you who don’t watch the show, here’s a brief summary:

The US President’s daughter hired someone to kill the man who had killed her brother (the President’s son). While the daughter had second thoughts and tried not to go through with it, it ended up happening anyway. Her involvement was discovered and she was forced to tell her mother, the President. The first Husband told the President that she was to destroy the evidence and protect her family after they had already sacrificed enough to her “job”.

What got me thinking was the President’s decision. The President decided that it was her duty to uphold the law and while she would do everything she could to help her daughter through it, her daughter would need to suffer the consequences of her actions. While I hope never to be placed in that situation, I thought about what I would do in the President’s shoes.

As parents we always hope that our children would grow up to know right from wrong and to make good decisions that do not cause harm to themselves or others. However, our children have their own personalities and their own minds. We cannot make their decisions for them, we cannot live their lives for them and unfortunately, we cannot protect them forever.

I think that each situation is different, but where does the line end between enabling and protecting?

If you were placed in a situation where your child was going to have to accept responsibility for their actions, what would you do? Would you say, “I’m sorry, but you need to be responsible for your actions?” Or would you say, “It’s ok, honey, we’ll figure this out together.”

Sara: Daddy, can you sit back here with me?

Daddy: I’m going to sit up front with Mama this time, hon.

~We start down the road…

Sara: Mama, can you pull over please?

Me: What’s that? (My usual stalling answer.)

Sara: Can you pull over so Daddy can come sit in the back with me, Mama?

Me: I think he already said he was going to sit in the front, didn’t he?

Sara: Mama, please stop the car so Daddy can sit in the back with me. I have no one to snuggle with. I need Daddy to snuggle with me, please.

~I pull over.  How do you say no to that? We lose.

I headed to the kitchen to see my poor husband with a look of pure torment on his face and Sara at the table with a plate of spaghetti.

“I want a PB&J, Daddy!”

Typically, Sara eats what we eat, but on days when we’re eating different things, we give her a choice. This afternoon, we gave her the choice and she didn’t say one way or the other what she wanted to eat, so Josh made her a plate of spaghetti. When she got to the table, she decided that she wanted a PB&J. Unfortunately, we don’t play that game.

We’re not going to make 5 different meals until she figures out what she wants to eat. Especially when she starts throwing a fit about it. We have a no-tolerance policy when it comes to whining. Throwing a fit is an automatic disqualification in the game of negotiations for our toddler. So when the “I want PB&J” chant increased in volume, I told her to calm down and eat her pasta.

“I WANT PB&J!!!”

When the yelling became a full-blown fit, I told her to get down from the table and put herself in time out until she calmed down. She started stomping, and Josh carried her to the other room for a time out.

She refused to sit down and stay in time out and just when you think it couldn’t get any worse, the hysteria kicked in. Sara began this high pitched scream that I’ve only heard in the Exorcist. I was waiting for her head to start spinning around on her shoulders while spewing green vomit. All the while screaming…

“I WANT PB&J!!!!!”

Over and over, she screamed while slamming into the wall. Josh and I could only look at each other at a complete loss. We knew that we had to stand our ground and that we couldn’t let her get her way after throwing such a fit, but we didn’t want to listen to an hour of sustainable madness either. After a minute that seemed to last for hours, she still hadn’t calmed down and she wouldn’t stop screaming…

“I WANT PB&J!!!”

In between racking, soul-wrenching, heart-breaking sobs, she kept on in a demonic voice…

“I WANT PB&J!!!”

As Sara stood in a gun slinger pose on the opposite side of the kitchen, in the throes of what could only be called the “Longest Temper Tantrum Ever”, I had an epiphany. I needed to subdue the monster that had invaded my child’s body by smothering it with kindness. In my most quiet, calm voice, I said,

“No. You can’t have PB&J, but you can have some pasta.”

Sobbing inconsolably like her world was crumbling around her,

“I want PB&J, Mama!”

I told her again, in the same quiet, calm voice so she had to listen to hear me (which is hard, because I’m normally a very loud person),

“I’m sorry, baby. You can have some pasta if you want.”

In a between quiet sobs, Sara said, “I want some pasta.”

Growing up, I remembered saying and doing things just to get a reaction from my family. The more incensed they got, the more it fed my inner monster. Who knew that ignoring the madness and presenting a calm, collected front was the way to exorcise the toddler demons?

Check out some of the stuff we found.

1. Join a local playgroup. I wish I had found MOMS Club International sooner. I saw a post by a member in MomsLikeMe.com and decided to inquire about it. They’re an international group with local chapters all over the world. The playgroup meets weekly for play dates at nearby parks or doing inexpensive events with kids Sara’s age group. It was terrific to meet a group of intelligent, like-minded women with children Sara’s age.

2. Local Library. Our local library has book groups for toddlers that meet once / week. It’s a great way for your toddler to learn how to be in a quiet and listening environment. They also have cool video games there. A great rainy day activity!

3. Swim Classes. Sara has been taking water survival courses since she was 9 months old. They teach babies as soon as they are able to crawl how to survive by floating on their backs and finding a way out of the water should they fall into water. The class is not your normal floaties and blow bubbles swim class, it’s a drowning prevention class. You can read more about their program here. Sara didn’t like it at first, but her level of confidence in the pool is amazing. Before she turned 2 last year, she was racing us in swimming to the stairs from the middle of the pool. Really amazing stuff. Ok, it’s not cheap, but it’s definitely worth it.

4. Gymnastics Camp. A nearby gymnastics facility has summer classes 1 day / week for 2 1/2 year olds and up. A great way for my little monkey to get her groove on, they’ll actually teach her how to do handstands and rolls, while letting her explore the rock wall, bungee jump, balance beam, and more. At less than $10 / class, she’s going to love it!

5. Ballet Summer Camps. The local ballet school has some great options for the summer for 3 year olds. Themed weeks of princesses and Swan Lake for Sara’s first taste of ballet classes at $10 / class should be a blast.

6. Church Summer Programs. We’re not religious at all, but the local churches not only have great summer programs, but they also help you introduce the concept of religion to your little one. Sara’s preschool is holding a Bug Camp for 3 days this summer for only $15 for the 3 days. What toddler doesn’t love bugs?

7. Plant a Garden. I read somewhere that planting a garden with your child teaches them so many things:

• Introduces new foods and vegetables.
• Shows them responsibility in caring for living things.
• Shows them the value of hard work.

I call our garden The Garden of the Black Thumbs because up until last 2 years, I have managed to kill off almost every plant I’ve come in contact with. Gardening is not our thing, but so is changing diapers, but we did it anyway.

We got Sara a great shovel, hoe, and rake set from Kmart for $9.00 and she’s been a huge help in planting and caring for our garden. Her gardening tools are real tools made of metal so she can actually dig with them. She loves to dig and play in the dirt — what kid doesn’t? — and she’s very interested in how she’s helping the plants to “grow big and strong up to the sky”. She works with us in the garden to water and weed in the mornings, and checks on our plants’ progress. Surprisingly enough, the garden is actually growing!

8. Parks & Beaches. We’re lucky enough to live near 2 national forest parks. One of them is literally 2 miles away where we can take Sara fishing and another one that’s 20 minutes away has a beach and lake area with paddle boats and swimming area. For a $5 parking fee, you can have a picnic, play in the sand, and spend quality fun time. Another great family activity! Even if you don’t live near some national parks, there are free community parks everywhere. Picnics and a romp on the playground is always a welcome diversion from the every day.

What other fun summer things do you have planned for your little ones? I’d love to get some advice for other age groups also!

Sara: I’m gonna be good in a minute, Mama.

Me: In a minute? You need to be good now, hon.

Sara: See? I’m making a smile, Mama!

My husband and I haven’t broached the subject with our 3 year old simply because we didn’t really consider it an issue. I personally thought we’d be having the discussion with her along with the birds and the bees. Needless to say, it stunned me into silence when she asked us the question – “What color am I, Mama?”

At first, I didn’t understand the question and my answer was “blue” (the color of her pajamas). At her response, “You’re silly, Mama…I’m white! Are you white? Daddy, you’re black!”, I realized what she was really asking.

What do you say to that? How do you respond to questions of race?

I read some books applauding the idea of early potty training practiced in Japan and China where babies are basically “scheduled” to go into the potty. However, the technique required drastic measures of letting the baby sit around diaperless. Thinking back on the first days of Sara’s welcome home poops, there was no way that we were going to do that. My husband and I are not neatfreaks, but I’m a little sensitive to things that smell and the smell of urine and feces was just not something that I could clean up from the couch or carpet. Even Barley, our dog was potty trained in 2 weeks and in 8 years, he’s made a mistake in the house 3 times. Puke is a different story, but I feel that’s easier to clean up.

So we waited. Around 14 months, Sara was so “regular” we could put a clock to her. We started putting her on the potty when expected it was time and read a few books while we waited. By 16 months, she was pooping in the potty 90% of the time using this method. Keep in mind, she didn’t tell us when she would have to go, we just guessed the correct time.

Urinating was still an ‘in-diaper’ thing, but who cared? The smelly stuff was going in the right place!

There was a backslide in the potty training right about when she turned 2. She was going into the potty and for some reason, her bowel movement hurt and she tried to get off the potty without getting cleaned up first. We kind of freaked out trying to get her cleaned up, which in turn freaked her out and she refused to use the toilet for 2 months after that.

I think it was a good thing because 2 months after the incident, she saw a friend of hers use the bathroom to pee and a lightbulb clicked for her. In 2 weeks she was consistently using the potty for pee and poop. Some of the things that helped:

• “Once Upon a Potty” with the potty and the doll. She loved the book and Prudence!
• “Pottywise” – A great book that helped us to get her potty trained.
• Don’t be pushy about it. They’ll go when they’re good and ready and not a moment before.
• All kids are different. Some kids aren’t ready to be potty trained until their 3 or 4, it just depends on the child. Once again, don’t be pushy about it.
• Make it fun! Sara’s potty trained during the day now. She still wears a diaper at night, but she has the hang of it. She doesn’t get a treat every time she goes to the potty, but she gets lots of high fives and sometimes she gets a special treat.

What were your potty training tips? I’d love to hear your stories!